The uncertain glory of an April day. – Proteus, Act I, Scene III of The Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare
The element of uncertainty was rife through most of April, casually to conclude by this Friday. Upon locating a job as a 3D Game Artist which ticked every box that fills my portfolio (Maya, Unity, Game Industry experience etc), it was quickly applied for and waited on with decent interest. The level of interest increased as a response back, about 5 days later from the recruiter, outlining the job a bit more in greater detail. An uneasy quiet period followed for a week or so before I nudged an inquiry, a response came about shortly after about some project stalling for a few weeks. I had my concerns, but waited patiently the two weeks. Still through this period I had not picked up any freelance or regular work, although I believe I got rejected by a library. I still glanced through the ads daily. The second call came on May 6th, a Monday. Originally this was to be a contract job, four months at the most, yet this call spoke of something more – the offer of a more permanent solution.
It was at this moment the little girl inside of me audibly went ‘Squeee!’. Inside my head of course, though I’m pretty sure the recruiter could detect my excitement. Funnily enough, a few days later I was approached for a 3d animation job, similar to one I did last year. Turned it down, but managed to pass the job onto another in my network, so all is well.
With a few more days to go until the final, final word to go from 90% of the way there to a confirmed yes, I’ve made a number of preparations to ensure most of my loose ends are tied. Regardless of the results, I’ll still be heading up on a bit of a road trip with my Dad to deliver a car to my brother, and the following week a few events that I’d planned to go to for months. Nothing fancy, just a few mentoring sessions on property investing. So really, this all would have had me up in Auckland eventually, be it a few weeks to indefinitely. This is not the element of uncertainty I speak of, but did well to influence it nonetheless.
Meeting people can be fleeting, or it can grow into something more. A shared interest here and there, then suddenly a friendship strikes. Comfort lies in that friendly rapport, but more often than not something of value must be exchanged. Otherwise it’s just small talk that never goes anywhere. Not to say that the information wasn’t useful. With the understanding of the situation, the timing of it all was quite bad. ‘Out of sync’ she would say on one of our meetings, and that was only about lunch. In the end, lifelong dreams and aspirations take priority, and those around us tolerate the social absences as one keeps focus, away from distractions that would otherwise become detrimental.
I have a tendency to analyse things to death, or at least close enough that it can still keep going, be it stories, projects and sometimes people. My logical, rational thought processes are quite content at handling things as though they were puzzles to be solved. People are no exception, though I do tone it down once I become friends/acquaintances/co-workers. Otherwise it gets a bit on the creepy and annoying side. Since mid April, irrational feelings trickled through like a leak in a dam, exploding through as the floodgates opened and stayed as such for nearly four weeks. The two sides of thought, constantly at odds with each other, only coming to some amicable truce in my writing, which thankfully arrived and calmed me at the right times. Some good randomness happened though; new glasses courtesy of my long-time friend Tammie at SpecSavers Riccarton Windmill, a rekindled (not on a Kindle though) interest in fantasy literature and science journals, and the confident drive that leads me to finish writing stories for once.
Uncertainty. The rules, the principles of uncertainty is that there are none. To fly by the seat of your pants and worry about the consequences later. No plans, no analysis, no reassurances of any kind. They were headache inducing, crazy, paranoid bouts of nonsensical conflict. And I loved every minute of it.
Except Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. You don’t mess with that shit.